Dating for Dummies

Player, Casanova, Flirt--just three of the many namesakes I've been called throughout college. Swinger, tease, heartbreaker, gold-dig--the list goes on. Though I personally disagree with the idea of me being that good or wanting of women, I can't deny having a good share of experience in dating. "You don't get out much, do you?" is a strange question to me since being a stay-at-home, full fledged student isn't really my thing.

I've made a deal with Cat here to post some things I know about the dating game. Just the basics. So you could skip "learning from experience" the next time you deuce out. Before we begin, a small disclaimer: these are not tips on how to get a date. They're simple instructions to tell you what to do on one. However your future dates turn out after you read this is none of my business. So, are you ready? Let's have at it.

Dating. A simple meeting of two people, of two sets of eyes, of two sets of hands, and two sets of hopes: hopes of going home less of a stranger to their partners. For some, it's a walk in the park, for some, it's a stare down a loaded gun, and for some, well, a myth they only read in magazines. If you're part of the latter two, fear not; for here are easy to do things to rescue you out of awkward, sticky situations and into hearty, memorable Saturday nights.

1. Don't expect anything to come out of it. Wow. For real? You're starting with that? Well, yes I am. I want to first introduce what a date really is: 90% small talk and 10% emotion. Don't expect to thoroughly know someone through dates. Remember that when your out with your partner, both of you are on your best behaviors. Each of you want the best possible image on each others mind. So it's best you play along, not dragging it down with anything too serious. Dating at best is practically just drawing the starting lines; never base a serious relationship on someone you just knew through dates. Follow this tip if you don't want to end up wondering how the hell you ended up in a sob relationship.

2. Put a fork in your throat. No, really. Stick one in there. Unless you can afford more food, slow down, Hon. It's okay to eat a lot on a date but if you're out in a fastfood or in a restaurant somewhere, it'll pack quite a punch on your wallet (not to mention your diet). The put a fork in your throat rule also applies to speech. Show some class. Don't cuss around like some ex-convict.

3. Don't think he or she is out of your league. When the person you like agrees to go out with you, it's only human to think, "Oh gosh, what am I gonna wear?", "What am I gonna say?", "What food does he like?", "Does my voice sound annoying?", "Would she stone me to death if I bring up sex?" and thoughts similar to them. But take a breather, and slow down. Newbies tend to overthink so much, they miss the obvious thing: Your date has already agreed to go out with you! Meaning he or she is interested in what you have to offer. That puts you in his or her league. Take it easy. It's a date. Not a swim down the Amazon.

4. Update yourself with current events. Let's go back to rule #1. Dating is 90% small talk. Don't expect your date to talk about childhood memories and his/her grandpa's hypoglycemic index right away. Talk about simple things that spark interest in people. Like sports, music, X Factor, and Mila Kunis. If you live like a secluded hermit, don't expect anyone to take up much time talking to you.

5. Work on your social skills. Acquaintances, online friends, real life friends, best friends, and relationships--these are what I call "social levels". In rule #4, I didn't mean sitting in front of the TV or Youtube the internet with a notepad in hand. I meant going to games with friends. Seeing movies with friends. Even just malling with them is good exercise, though I recommend concerts and parties. The more friends you have, the bigger your life gets and the more interesting you'll be. If you're not interested in people and sharing connections, then why are you even dating? Make new friends and new acquaintances; use them for advice, for gossip, for drinks, for a place to crash, for some coke to snort, for whatever! This is very important in dating. No matter how many tips you read in Maxim or on the net, nothing compares to being a natural with people and knowing you friends have your back along the way.

6. Do not talk about an ex. If you have the slightest hint of common sense, you'd know this shouldn't even be here. The past is called "the past" for a reason: so you don't bring it into the present. Nobody, and I mean nobody wants to hear about the bittersweet tragedy of your former flame. If your date asks questions about your past relationship(s), it only means you have not followed rule #5 and he or she is just hanging on to a thin thread of conversation. (Don't worry. The past is bound to come up sometime later, in your 4th or 5th date with the same person. It takes a certain amount of comfort to ask about it. That's why this topic is so common among best friends.)

7. Skip things that require heavy mental. If you're going to talk about the disagreement of science and religion, foreign exchange rates, the correspondence of the Dow Jones and Nasdaq highs and lows to the Philippine Stock Index, the discovery Higgs Bossom particle or the arguments of metaphysical procreation, please forget about dating and save the other person the torture.

8. Find strength in numbers. Is it your first time to go out on a date? Do you feel those jitters turning to butterflies in your stomach? It's okay. We've all been there. Unless you're a socialite, going on your 1st to your 5th date will feel like a drag. An explanation is, you and your partner are basically two people out on their own with poor communications skills (especially if you're in adolescence.) So what do you do? Pray for the dead air to pass? Wait for absolution? Hell, no. Go out on group dates! In Japan they're called "goukon," a meet-up of two to four dating couples. Your companions will act like training wheels and before you know it, you're comfortable going out with just the two of you. It'll bury the dead air and make the date feel awkward... minus the "kw," plus an ing suffix.

So, that's it folks. I couldn't think of any more. Remember the rule of thumb in all social interactions: your objective is to enjoy and that's all there is to it. Sit back and have a good time. Good luck!