"Virgin ka pa ba?" translates to "Are you still a virgin?" here in the Philippines.
If you're new to dating, consider this article an advanced warning of an awkward situation due on your third or fourth date. But why is this so--that as colonially influenced as we Filipinos are (see K-pop, Vans, Twilight, or the Otaku Culture)--we tend to view virginity like the answer to a million-dollar question? I myself have been asked that more times than I could count. Sooner or later (assuming you're an adolescent), you're gonna find yourself in front of this question, too. I even know people who observe at how other people walk to judge if their v card's still in. What makes a Filipino weigh virginity as if it's something to hold with or against a partner? Does being deflowered at a young age mean you're foul or cheap? How do you answer when you're asked the question?
If you're new to dating, consider this article an advanced warning of an awkward situation due on your third or fourth date. But why is this so--that as colonially influenced as we Filipinos are (see K-pop, Vans, Twilight, or the Otaku Culture)--we tend to view virginity like the answer to a million-dollar question? I myself have been asked that more times than I could count. Sooner or later (assuming you're an adolescent), you're gonna find yourself in front of this question, too. I even know people who observe at how other people walk to judge if their v card's still in. What makes a Filipino weigh virginity as if it's something to hold with or against a partner? Does being deflowered at a young age mean you're foul or cheap? How do you answer when you're asked the question?
Generally, the Philippines is a Catholic country. Through the invasion of the Protestant Americans and the Shintoist Japanese, we Filipinos have retained what the Spanish inculcated in our culture for more than three centuries--Catholicism. Promiscuity and premarital sex has always been viciously looked upon, this is why the missus vs. the mistress plot is so fresh and new to the film industry. Sex is a capital sin in most religions: if the world was to unite under one religion which approved of euthanasia, they'd probably hang the pimps and vixens after the murderers and child molesters. Some groups even remove parts of the genitalia to prevent men and women from "sinning," and the RH Bill, as easy as it appeals to the common sense, was heavily debated by the brightest minds of our country.
On the other hand, it holds true that fleshly desires can at times develop to sickening barbarities. Gang rapes, cuckolding, home-wrecking, and the TV show Personalan are just a few among other corrupted deeds. Remember Kanye and Kim? The Philippines has them, too, only in the form of Hayden and Katrina. But to Dr. Hayden Kho, a sex video with one of the Philippines' sexiest could up his beer buddies' esteem of him. But to Katrina, well, he was married so for her it was really a crime of passion. To Kanye, listen to his music (and hip-hop in general). What do you get? Money, cars, I don't use a condom, money, money, cars. To Kim, well she's kind of a household name in scandals so let's not delve into her. She's not that big a thing to Filipinas anyway.
In the metro, porn DVDs run thick in the stands. You could buy one in the local market for P40 (about $0.90): For being cheap and accessible, it's now a multimillion peso underground industry. Soft-core pornography are screened all over the cheap theaters along Recto, Ermita, and other centers of commerce in Manila. FHM, Uno, and Maxim have been making a fortune here long since and gravure books are becoming a welcome form of literature. People judge all things under the influence of a culture, so far as Maria Clara is concerned, she could bid her ankle-long skirts goodbye. The Philippines isn't exactly a nation of playboys and tramps but tell someone who doesn't go out much how awesome last night was with your girlfriend and you'll be judged like one.
Parents get nervous if their eighteen-year-olds are still out past 10, even if it's a 110 degrees outside, long pants are never out of season for teenagers, a little PDA will lead you down a long road in the eyes of the passers-by, and if you're not a social commando, you better be careful not to tell anyone you "Party all night." The Filipino social stigma is so judgmental, it's a joke. If you're a girl, you're either a slut or a cheap shot if you don't save it for your wedding night.
Maybe this is just me, but believing how premarital sex causes the real thing to lose "its true meaning" is cliche and ridiculous. This is why so many Filipinos suffer midlife crisis. To the Filipino woman, a man doesn't have sex with her unless he's willing to sacrifice his soul and a lifetime of freedom and happiness for it. And to the Filipino Juan, sex is the pinnacle of a married relationship. It doesn't come with being a bachelor, it's a blessing from marriage. He's going to take good care of the kids, pay all the mortgages, and put on clothes he doesn't even like so Maria Clara would warm up to him; all the while mistaking which head is thinking. It may sound a little Freudian, but a part of all we do relates to our desire to be attractive. Nivea, Maybelline, Garnier, Dove, and the entire liquor, R&B, and self-help industry is built on it.
In the end, sex is just another thing that makes us human. We can't all be celibates. Like a good view, a menthol cigarette, a pleasant fabric softener or a hot meal, it's something we don't need like water and air but is still a plus to have around, though not to the point that life is useless without it.
So how do you answer the question? Simple: if it's a yes, it's a yes, if it's a no, it's a no. That's the art of small talk. The question measures the value of the questioner as opposed to measuring the questionee's. Answer straight and be sure of yourself. If your date looks down and then the other way, let him/her. You want a new partner, not someone to prove yourself to.
On the other hand, it holds true that fleshly desires can at times develop to sickening barbarities. Gang rapes, cuckolding, home-wrecking, and the TV show Personalan are just a few among other corrupted deeds. Remember Kanye and Kim? The Philippines has them, too, only in the form of Hayden and Katrina. But to Dr. Hayden Kho, a sex video with one of the Philippines' sexiest could up his beer buddies' esteem of him. But to Katrina, well, he was married so for her it was really a crime of passion. To Kanye, listen to his music (and hip-hop in general). What do you get? Money, cars, I don't use a condom, money, money, cars. To Kim, well she's kind of a household name in scandals so let's not delve into her. She's not that big a thing to Filipinas anyway.
In the metro, porn DVDs run thick in the stands. You could buy one in the local market for P40 (about $0.90): For being cheap and accessible, it's now a multimillion peso underground industry. Soft-core pornography are screened all over the cheap theaters along Recto, Ermita, and other centers of commerce in Manila. FHM, Uno, and Maxim have been making a fortune here long since and gravure books are becoming a welcome form of literature. People judge all things under the influence of a culture, so far as Maria Clara is concerned, she could bid her ankle-long skirts goodbye. The Philippines isn't exactly a nation of playboys and tramps but tell someone who doesn't go out much how awesome last night was with your girlfriend and you'll be judged like one.
Parents get nervous if their eighteen-year-olds are still out past 10, even if it's a 110 degrees outside, long pants are never out of season for teenagers, a little PDA will lead you down a long road in the eyes of the passers-by, and if you're not a social commando, you better be careful not to tell anyone you "Party all night." The Filipino social stigma is so judgmental, it's a joke. If you're a girl, you're either a slut or a cheap shot if you don't save it for your wedding night.
Maybe this is just me, but believing how premarital sex causes the real thing to lose "its true meaning" is cliche and ridiculous. This is why so many Filipinos suffer midlife crisis. To the Filipino woman, a man doesn't have sex with her unless he's willing to sacrifice his soul and a lifetime of freedom and happiness for it. And to the Filipino Juan, sex is the pinnacle of a married relationship. It doesn't come with being a bachelor, it's a blessing from marriage. He's going to take good care of the kids, pay all the mortgages, and put on clothes he doesn't even like so Maria Clara would warm up to him; all the while mistaking which head is thinking. It may sound a little Freudian, but a part of all we do relates to our desire to be attractive. Nivea, Maybelline, Garnier, Dove, and the entire liquor, R&B, and self-help industry is built on it.
In the end, sex is just another thing that makes us human. We can't all be celibates. Like a good view, a menthol cigarette, a pleasant fabric softener or a hot meal, it's something we don't need like water and air but is still a plus to have around, though not to the point that life is useless without it.
So how do you answer the question? Simple: if it's a yes, it's a yes, if it's a no, it's a no. That's the art of small talk. The question measures the value of the questioner as opposed to measuring the questionee's. Answer straight and be sure of yourself. If your date looks down and then the other way, let him/her. You want a new partner, not someone to prove yourself to.
1 comments:
Which compels me to ask..."virgin ka pa ba?" Bwahaha. :D
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